Violet and Zoe are currently stuck in the elevator
together. They live in the same building even the same floor but never
interacted before. It is around seven at night and both are trying to get to
their apartment. Violet is coming back from protesting and Zoe is slightly
tipsy as she just finished work.
Zoe:
“Uh, what’s goin’ on here? I need to go get ready for tonight”
Violet:
Silent and looks at Zoe with disgust because she is wearing a fur
coat over her suit and it’s not faux.
Zoe:
“Well say something! This could be a while. This elevator is as old
as my grandmother and my phone doesn’t work in here.”
Violet:
“Do you know that you are wearing an animal that was brutally
killed to make that coat?”
Zoe:
“Oh I see. You are a protestor.”
Zoe looks down at Violet’s
sign and reads aloud.
“Stop the cruelty. Be FUR Free.”
She stops herself from arguing.
Violet:
Yeah, that’s me.”
Violet looks down at the floor.
Zoe:
“Well I like my fur, I work hard for it.”
Violet:
“Then you don’t understand what they go through.”
Violet gets annoyed with individuals who do not understand what the
animals go through. She is starts to explain the process….
“After they capture the animal, they hang the innocent animal
upside down to skin them as the blood is…”
Cutting off Violet…
Zoe:
“Blah blah I don’t really
care.”
As Violet was about to say something, the elevator opened. Zoe gets out
first then Violet.
Zoe:
“You should come out with me and my girls tonight, you’re kinda
pretty. We are going to Bar Dub.”
Bar Dub is strictly Dubstep, which Violet absolutely hates.
Violet:
Stopped in her tracks.
“NO.”
Zoe:
As Violet was silent and walked away
“I won’t wear my fur, if you
come. I’ll come get you at 10pm”
Violet:
“I didn’t say yes.”
Closes apartment door.
I liked your play, I was laughing. That is not a good situation for anyone to be in, they would have been beating each other in about 3 more exchanges of words if they were to be stuck in that elevator any longer. Why did Zoe invite her to the club? I thought that seemed a little out of character based on the dialogue. Unless she’s got some devious plan in mind. Do you know how it would have continued? I’m curious as to where this was going after the elevator, I know you couldn’t have thought of a scene that ended here, I’m sure you thought it through, but you were limited to the confines of one setting. The flow for this was very well written; the only thing that slowed down the read was the action phrases. I thought it would be better displayed if the phrases that described what the person is doing be put in parenthesis or italics, or something to visually differentiate them from the dialogue. Keep up the good work! ☺
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the ending, Alexandra! The way you made them interact was very creative. Even though they were very different, you made them come to a consensus by interacting them on a common interest. I also liked the modernization of the scene. I think the way that you portrayed while being tipsy was very accurate of how someone would act if they were actually tipsy. I would be interested in reading a second scene to see how else Zoe and Violet interact. If I were to guess, they might actually turn out to be good friends. Hey, opposites attract!
ReplyDeleteYour scene was really enjoyable to read. I enjoyed Zoe's character a lot and how much comic relief she provided. She was also a way to show more of who Violet was through their interaction. The setting of the elevator was cool as well because it made the situation even more awkward than it had to be, which added more to the comedy.
ReplyDelete